Feeling the Grip
So as I un-wantingly (I know thats not a word, suck it up) approach 30 I am feeling the grip of reality. I have often wondered why I waste such a great gift of being smart on Bell? I am feeling like I should be doing something better with my life in many aspects. I feel I should have a better career, I feel I should be buying a house rather then renting one for more then what a mortgage would cost, I regret feeling that I should be reproducing... Ok that was a lie, sometimes I think about the fact that, that's what everyone else my age is doing or has done already. I am afraid if i stay where I am I will have wasted everything I worked so hard for in College and in life. Does the feeling of not being satisfied ever go away? Will I ever truly be happy with what I have? Will I ever have the chance to be married and wear a wonderfully ugly dress that is suppose to make me feel like a princess? Sometimes I feel like I should be crawling in a hole and giving up as I have wasted so much of the time that I have here. I dont really remember the last 28 years of my life, Will I forget the next 28 when I am 60 or so? The world and thoughts of even having to be 60 scare the shit out of me. I hope that I will still be able to wipe my own ass then.....HmmmMMM.... After writing all my feelings down, I still have no answers....sigh........
Seriously.......
Seriously.......
There are way to many kinds of water out there today, there is the Vitamin water with the clever little sayings on the bottle and made to taste like juice , there is water from Figi, Artisan water, Skinny water, re filtered city water, water from the Swiss Alps water from Canada, USA, and every other country in the world.. While your in the store thinking of the eye catching bottle and deciding what country to buy your water from you should probably take a few seconds and think about the amount of water you buy in a year that is in a bottle and then realistically think about how many bottles in one year out of all the bottles you buy will you actually recycle? There is a growing number of plastic that can be recycled showing up in our landfills every day... There is no proven way that we can stop or fix the fact that mankind has ruined the earth and it will one day become non existent again but by everyone doing there part we can prolong this inevitable disaster we have created... Make a smart choice and go green and next time you are in line holding your heavy 24 pack of bottled water think about this blog. Also think about spending the 30 dollars and buying one of the metal, trendy bottles you see everyone with, not only will you be saving money, but you will be saving our planet :)
There are way to many kinds of water out there today, there is the Vitamin water with the clever little sayings on the bottle and made to taste like juice , there is water from Figi, Artisan water, Skinny water, re filtered city water, water from the Swiss Alps water from Canada, USA, and every other country in the world.. While your in the store thinking of the eye catching bottle and deciding what country to buy your water from you should probably take a few seconds and think about the amount of water you buy in a year that is in a bottle and then realistically think about how many bottles in one year out of all the bottles you buy will you actually recycle? There is a growing number of plastic that can be recycled showing up in our landfills every day... There is no proven way that we can stop or fix the fact that mankind has ruined the earth and it will one day become non existent again but by everyone doing there part we can prolong this inevitable disaster we have created... Make a smart choice and go green and next time you are in line holding your heavy 24 pack of bottled water think about this blog. Also think about spending the 30 dollars and buying one of the metal, trendy bottles you see everyone with, not only will you be saving money, but you will be saving our planet :)
The Battle
Tonight is a battle, the wee hours of this morning are a battle.
As I sit here and try to figure out if going to sleep will wash away the pain that is secretly hiding in my mind. Or will i have another terrifying dream of what i dont wnat to hear. I wonder if going for a drive or a walk with the dog will preoccupy my mind long enought for the pain to ease. Why is it that everytime I lay myself out on the table and speak with the words that run through my head i am penalized? Just once I would like to feel the happiness that I am allotted in life. There are certain things that happens to people in life such as illness, love, and life. These are the three things I struggle with, scared to death to get the unwanted news from a doctor, scared for the unwanted behaviour thats comes from being in love with someone, then the third, that the other two actually make.
I have had some seriously harmful dreams that keep my eyes wide open and keep me from a little rest. They posion my mind and drag demons from the closet that keep me itching for more. Why does my search for peace seem to wind up in fear?
Moving very fast twords thirty i wonder if it will be this way for the next thirty? What does this future hold for me?
As I sit here and try to figure out if going to sleep will wash away the pain that is secretly hiding in my mind. Or will i have another terrifying dream of what i dont wnat to hear. I wonder if going for a drive or a walk with the dog will preoccupy my mind long enought for the pain to ease. Why is it that everytime I lay myself out on the table and speak with the words that run through my head i am penalized? Just once I would like to feel the happiness that I am allotted in life. There are certain things that happens to people in life such as illness, love, and life. These are the three things I struggle with, scared to death to get the unwanted news from a doctor, scared for the unwanted behaviour thats comes from being in love with someone, then the third, that the other two actually make.
I have had some seriously harmful dreams that keep my eyes wide open and keep me from a little rest. They posion my mind and drag demons from the closet that keep me itching for more. Why does my search for peace seem to wind up in fear?
Moving very fast twords thirty i wonder if it will be this way for the next thirty? What does this future hold for me?
Facebook Prowlers
Hello Everyone!
I am back after a much needed rest from the online world.
The first post in months is going to be about the alarming privacy violations that have taken place on the one site we have all become addicted to, Facebook. I dont want to slander anyones hard work and fortune but there is something that needs to be dont by the site technicians. I have learned that all computers have what the call an IP address, which is a lot like a stamp of ownership. So why is it that you can see on a telephone who had called your house by the name and or number but such a sight is unable to detect the stamp at which has accessed your site? They can, they are just lazy and probably somewhat responsible for the actions that have occured to such people whom are on this site. i have had, on many occasions experienced someone going on and changing my password, looking in to what myself and my loved ones are doing in their personal lives then emailing me to tell me all of this from a fake email address all the while hiding their identity...The way i see it, if they all know what i am doing on a daily basis then they will be able to see this blog, and perhaps change it and maybe comment on it as well.. Facebook is supose to be somewhere where you can go an meet up with old friends and chat and see whats up, it is a polite way of being nosey:) and being aloud as well. So when the people in charge are sitting on the beach drinking their martinis they should be considering on a way to stop this all from happening to a lot of people on a daily basis, they are rich and financialy stable enough to come up with some sort of security precaution to take to keep its users safe. Until this day comes, i will no longer use my account.
I am back after a much needed rest from the online world.
The first post in months is going to be about the alarming privacy violations that have taken place on the one site we have all become addicted to, Facebook. I dont want to slander anyones hard work and fortune but there is something that needs to be dont by the site technicians. I have learned that all computers have what the call an IP address, which is a lot like a stamp of ownership. So why is it that you can see on a telephone who had called your house by the name and or number but such a sight is unable to detect the stamp at which has accessed your site? They can, they are just lazy and probably somewhat responsible for the actions that have occured to such people whom are on this site. i have had, on many occasions experienced someone going on and changing my password, looking in to what myself and my loved ones are doing in their personal lives then emailing me to tell me all of this from a fake email address all the while hiding their identity...The way i see it, if they all know what i am doing on a daily basis then they will be able to see this blog, and perhaps change it and maybe comment on it as well.. Facebook is supose to be somewhere where you can go an meet up with old friends and chat and see whats up, it is a polite way of being nosey:) and being aloud as well. So when the people in charge are sitting on the beach drinking their martinis they should be considering on a way to stop this all from happening to a lot of people on a daily basis, they are rich and financialy stable enough to come up with some sort of security precaution to take to keep its users safe. Until this day comes, i will no longer use my account.
Fake People
Every now and again I find myself running into and befriending the worst, fakest, nastiest people around..This comes as a shock to me, I moved away from a small crappy town where people liked to talk about everything that didnt have anything to do with them. Now I find myself in the middle of the biggest most cultured city Canada has ever seen and I seem to draw those fake ass people right to me. This makes me sad as I have ultimatly matured over the years from a high school brat to a successful woman. I have decided that people suck and I am not even sure if I want to have friends anymore. I have given up on trying..
Ex#1
I met a friend of my boyfriends who was with this girl and she seemed incedibly wonderful, nice, kind, had a great sense of humour..We got so close she asked me to be in her wedding. Then one day I get a message from her over the internet..What I am about to say should never be said over the internet..She told me she saw my boyfriend cheeting on me in the local bar when I was out with my mother..
She proceeded to tell me that I should leave him, he was trash and that if i didnt then she would not be able to hang out with me anymore because she has no respect for him anymore..
Conclusion: Fake ass bitch just lost me as a friend FOREVER!!
Ex#2
No names mentioned, i met this girl shortly after moving and we were friends for a while. She was the classic catty bitch, was a wonderful person to your face and the minuite you were out of ear shot, she was stabbing you in the back. Until one night when I wasnt far enough out of ear shot and heard her talking ABOUT ME!!
Conclusion:
Go back to fucking high school!
Ex#1
I met a friend of my boyfriends who was with this girl and she seemed incedibly wonderful, nice, kind, had a great sense of humour..We got so close she asked me to be in her wedding. Then one day I get a message from her over the internet..What I am about to say should never be said over the internet..She told me she saw my boyfriend cheeting on me in the local bar when I was out with my mother..
She proceeded to tell me that I should leave him, he was trash and that if i didnt then she would not be able to hang out with me anymore because she has no respect for him anymore..
Conclusion: Fake ass bitch just lost me as a friend FOREVER!!
Ex#2
No names mentioned, i met this girl shortly after moving and we were friends for a while. She was the classic catty bitch, was a wonderful person to your face and the minuite you were out of ear shot, she was stabbing you in the back. Until one night when I wasnt far enough out of ear shot and heard her talking ABOUT ME!!
Conclusion:
Go back to fucking high school!
When did loving someone become not enough?
So someone needs to answer me this question, "when did loving someone become not enough?" That is something I really need someone to answer for me. Through he last year and a half I have put forth more effort then I have ever had to, to make my relationship work with the love of my life. Things aren't sooooo bad but they definitely need some work. I have asked myself many questions like "do I need plastic surgery?" or "how about liposuction?" and "Do I need a better job to bring in millions?" I am unsure of what it is that I am doing wrong and I always get the same answer from my other half like "we are fine babe, no need to worry" But I have come to realize that we aren't fine, whether I find out from someone else or him, things are'nt fine and I have no idea what I am expected to do anymore?!? I thought by giving one person everything I had and loving that person more then they have ever been loved it would be enough, but I am starting to realize and fast that it isn't. I have had many boyfriends, most of which I have left in the past due to issues and baggage they came along with and although we all have our own baggage I thought as an adult you work together to clear it up. See neither my boyfriend or myself have had a picture perfect life and we have both made horrible decisions in our past that we have worked through either together or alone. Constantly I am reminded of mine through past friends and acquaintances, and this poses as a problem. I don't deal with things the way he does and now it is affecting our relationship...When is enough, enough? How do I know when I have went from the loving girlfriend to the piece of shit from the past? How do I prepare myself for what I know s just around the corner? For anyone who reads this blog, whether I know you or not, please leave a comment with your opinion (good or bad) so I can learn from it or change something...Your opinion matters..
Our 3pm break experience's at 7-11
Today as everyday Erin, my co-worker and I went on our adventure to 7-11 for our Slushie break. I will start with yesterday when Erin was propositioned by one of the bums outside the 7-11 then he continued to say "mmmMMMmm I love slushies" ya, like we care what you like, I would like for you to get a job. (none takes away the wonderfulness of Slushie break) So that right there made us laugh hysterically...Then that brings me to today 3pm break..Back at the 7-11 where there is a different rubbie everyday there stood a woman, a big woman wearing fluorescent orange crock style shoes, a bright pink and orange bathing suit and a tiny orange jacket, she too was begging for some spare change, as we walked out I hear snickering from the little devil beside me and all I hear coming from the filter less girl is "oh my god, I just saw some crotch" I start laughing hysterically thinking our fun is over when she belts out "that's what I was going to wear today" HAHAHA. Everyday there is excitement on our break, in that 15 minutes I have more fun and excitement then all day at work. Our break is the highlight to my day:) If you ever want some fun and excitement to fill your day just walk with us to the 7-11 and it will make your day.
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