The Battle

Tonight is a battle, the wee hours of this morning are a battle.
As I sit here and try to figure out if going to sleep will wash away the pain that is secretly hiding in my mind. Or will i have another terrifying dream of what i dont wnat to hear. I wonder if going for a drive or a walk with the dog will preoccupy my mind long enought for the pain to ease. Why is it that everytime I lay myself out on the table and speak with the words that run through my head i am penalized? Just once I would like to feel the happiness that I am allotted in life. There are certain things that happens to people in life such as illness, love, and life. These are the three things I struggle with, scared to death to get the unwanted news from a doctor, scared for the unwanted behaviour thats comes from being in love with someone, then the third, that the other two actually make.
I have had some seriously harmful dreams that keep my eyes wide open and keep me from a little rest. They posion my mind and drag demons from the closet that keep me itching for more. Why does my search for peace seem to wind up in fear?
Moving very fast twords thirty i wonder if it will be this way for the next thirty? What does this future hold for me?